When they got to Rand’s room, Kirk sat on her bed, tucking his long legs under him, accepting a glass of wine from Rand, who climbed on the bed and sat near him, giving him another sisterly touch on the arm. “What will you do now?” Rand asked, sipping her wine.
The way he’d tucked his legs under him, the way he walked, gestured, even the way he spoke all carried traces of his time training and serving as a slave girl. Rand wondered if he even realized how naturally feminine his mannerisms had become.
Kirk took a slug of his own wine and felt it warm and sweet as it poured down his throat. He reminded himself to slow down. He couldn’t handle alcohol as well as he once did in this smaller body. “I don’t know,” he said. “Resign? Ask for re-assignment? Find some way to get my body back? Build a time machine?”
“You can’t resign,” Rand said. “You love Star Fleet.”
“And I love the Enterprise. I love her crew.” He idly brushed a strand of his golden blonde hair away from his face.
“So stay. Be a part of her crew,” Rand said.
Kirk took another sip of wine. “This is all so wrong,” he said, the anger bubbling up in him. “I am still James T. Kirk! I am still the rightful captain! How can they take the ship away from me? It isn’t fair!”
“There are a lot of things that aren’t fair for women,” Rand said.
“I’m not supposed to be a woman!” Kirk spat. “I’m not supposed to have to deal with this kind of sexist nonsense.”
“But now you do. Maybe it will make you a better person, just like you said—”
“Better? Ha. But not the Captain. Probably never again.”
“You don’t know that,” Rand said. “You have to stay strong!”
Kirk drank some more wine. Sighed. “You’ve been so good to me, Jan. So loyal.” He reached out and touched her hair, then her cheek.
“I will always love and support you,” Rand said.
“Jan.” Kirk cupped her cheek, then his eyes went soft, and he leaned in, meaning to kiss her, but Rand pulled away. “I’m sorry,” she said. “You know I’m not into other girls. I told you before.”
Kirk sat back, burning with shame. He looked away. “I’m sorry. I — I forget myself.”
“Let me get you some more wine.”
Kirk got up and went to Jan’s mirror, looking at the young woman in the mirror. He threw his shoulders back, turned to the side and examined his figure. Rand brought him a second glass of wine. “What are you thinking?” She said, meeting his eyes in the mirror, standing behind him, looking over his shoulder.
‘I’m still trying to accept that is me,” he said, shaking his head. “Trying to figure out if I can be me in this body, with this face. What do you think? Can this pretty girl be James T. Kirk?”
Rand sat in a chair and crossed her legs, regarding James Kirk as he looked over his figure in the mirror, turning this way and that, still trying to wrap his head around the reality that he was now one of them– a female.
“Yes,” Rand said with a little smile. “But you said it yourself. You can’t be the same old James Kirk. You have to be a new one, one that accepts that she is now a woman.”
“I’m not sure if I will ever get used to the idea.”
They talked. Kirk got angry, then cried, and Rand did hold him then, as a friend holds another friend, and then they drank some more wine, and finally they hugged goodnight, and Kirk stumbled back to his own quarters and flopped into the bed, passing out almost immediately still wearing his new uniform.
He woke sometime after midnight, his bra seemed to choking him, and sitting up, he reached back to find the zipper on his dress, slipping out of it and then out of his bra, sighing with relief as the pressure on his chest and ribs eased, and he felt his breasts sway free. He put his hands on the small of his back and stretched, then went to his closet and pulled on his old robe, which now hung on him like an over sized coat, but which was soft and comfortable and reminded him of home.
He drank a glass of water and another, then curled up in his reading chair, pulling his legs to his chest, biting his pinky finger, thinking about Rand, her smile, how much he wanted to kiss her, and how empty it had made him feel when she’d said no.
His mind drifted back to the day of the transformation, when he’d suddenly found himself a woman.